Reason one: they are there to free your time up
This is very important. You are not at work to slave over a hot telephone or computer terminal. You are at work to get ahead. This objective should take up all your time.
A little history lesson in Successful Empires. Sparta: built on an underclass of Helots. Roman Empire: built on slavery as a product of conquest. Russia: built on serfdom. British Empire: built on a strong class system, with the bottom of the pile known as the working class. United States: originally built on slave labour. The list is endless and the moral is clear: if you want to be an Empire Builder, you need an underclass. Fortunately the workplace provides one ready-made for you, avoiding the generally distasteful (at least in present society) tasks of conquest, rape, pillage or plunder which our ancestors were obliged to resort to. It is known as your team. Exploiting this valuable resource is the key to your success.
Reason two: there are there to do the work
You are not at work to do the work. Unfortunately there is a convention of workplace life that says that you need to produce things. Reports, deliverables of all kinds, activity, the superficial appearance of value-adding activity, appraisals, budgets. Think it through more carefully. You do not personally need to produce anything. You need to have your name on what is produced, (provided it is positive – see below, shifting blame and taking credit).
Your time will be taken up getting ahead of the game, so you can’t possibly waste it on productive activities which are not in some way contributing directly to your own success.
Reason three: they make fabulous temple sacrifices
Every workplace has its temporary gods. Quality Assurance Teams, Affirmative Action, the Four Why’s, the Customer-First Programme etc etc etc. These will require you to worship at their altar, as not doing so is generally considered a negative behaviour. Of course, actually attending these things yourself is tedious in the extreme, as well as a waste of your time. Name one that you have actually seen produce any results…. Exactly, you can’t. And you don’t want to be associated with a failure do you? It’s a problem. Staff provide a readymade answer. Send them on the programme. And don’t forget to refer to them as “resources”. “I have committed significant resources to the Five Why Nots” is great propaganda. Your other staff will backfill OK, especially if you only send the useless ones.
Most workplaces also have permanent gods. Cost-control initiatives for example. Staff are great for you to be seen to worship at this altar too. Make it a rule to always run one or two heads light of complement.
Where should you get those heads from? Support roles obviously. It is a well-known principle (taken from the Social Services) that support tasks always expand to fill the number of people available to do them. Take one or two away, and the quality of service will drop imperceptibly, because what is no longer being done is mostly pointless polishing and dusting.
There is another side-benefit to this approach. You do not want to actually get caught empire-building, however actively you may be pursuing that agenda. If you are never up to headcount, then you can’t be empire building. But somehow, whenever you do really need another member of staff, you can point to the fact that you always run lean and mean as a way to add credibility to your recruitment needs. Once you’ve got the extra person agreed, make sure you get the headcount budget increased to allow for them. You must never end up at full-complement by following this self-sacrifice based technique, otherwise it loses its potency next time.
Reason four: they are there to prioritise your colleagues’ projects
All around you, there will be projects taking place. Some will benefit you, some will be a threat. What to do about it? Once again, your staff provide the answer.
Project X is bound to give you a chance to star, and conveniently is likely to lead to redundancy for a rival across the office. Do want this project to succeed? Of course you do. Attend its meetings yourself. Of course you take along your most trusted lieutenant just in case you get given any action points.
Project Y is going to generate efficiencies, and these threaten your position. Do you want this project to succeed? Obviously not. Send along Useless Joe. Most teams have a Useless Joe, usually someone who the Peter Principle has ensured is a senior and possibly even respected representative from your team, but who is actually incapable of achieving anything. That way you have contributed “my most senior resources” (note the use of the resource word again), while doing your best to ensure the project will stall.
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